Truth. Are you afraid to speak it?
Is there someone in your life you aren’t speaking your truth to?
I’m sure most of you know by now how much I value and am passionate about authenticity, vulnerability and honesty.
My belief is that clear communication is a great foundation for these to come to fruition.
There have been a few instances in my life of late where miscommunication and dishonesty have been a common theme between people I know. I have witnessed a huge communication breakdown between them, and some of these are people who are close friends, not merely acquaintences.
It breaks my heart when I see/hear people’s pain with friends or family all because they feel like they haven’t been heard or listened to properly, or feel completely misunderstood. They let the icky feelings associated with this fester rather than nip it in the bud because they aren’t willing to speak their truth or let honesty come out to play.
Essentially they choose fear over love.
If you are experiencing a situation like this with someone in your life (and let’s face it, we all do from time to time), I wholeheartedly encourage you to take the steps to find your truth and speak it.
The truth shall set you free
Trust me; I know how scary and daunting it can be having that conversation with your nearest and dearest ones. I know it might be tempting to squash those yucky feelings down and pretend that everything is hunky dory but all you are doing is keeping that friendship or relationship one dimensional (surface level) and preventing it from blossoming and turning into something so much richer, deeper and more fulfilling .
When you take the leap and trust – I promise you beautiful things will happen.
I speak from experience because I have been in that fearful place. I know it’s hard and the thought of speaking your truth is ugly, you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings or risk losing that relationship, however, how authentic and genuine is that relationship if you aren’t in being honest with each other?
Let me ask you this:
Does your desire to not hurt someone else’s feelings warrant hurting your own?
Does pushing those icky and uncomfortable feelings down into the pit of your stomach solve the problem? Really solve it?
Each time you see or speak to that person are you showing up as your true self and giving them the best of yourself, and experiencing the best that they have to offer?
I took a risk in speaking my truth…
I had one of these chats with a friend of mine a long time ago. There were issues that had been bothering me and bubbling under the surface for a long time and I was suffering. It was definitely daunting to confront her and I had to fight the urge to not do it, but I am SO glad I did.
The result is that now this friend and I are such good friends, we speak our truth to each other all the time, our conversations have expanded and flourished like you wouldn’t believe. We understand and ‘get each other’ properly now. Oh it’s amazing and I have so much space in my heart for her!
Here’s a little formula to having “that” conversation which can work wonders to break the barrier between you and said person:
1. Schedule in the time
You want to make sure when you have this conversation with someone that both of you are in the right space/place to have an honest and vulnerable chat. You don’t want to feel rushed when you are opening up your heart to someone; you also don’t want the other person to feel they are suddenly being bombarded with this kind of conversation.
Note: Face to face chats are always preferable as they are more intimate/personal.
2. When you speak, speak your truth clearly and constructively
Be very clear about what you want to say to them and say it with authenticity. Don’t make excuses or beat around the bush – be clear and concise with the message you are trying to get across. If you feel yourself struggling or wondering whether you are doing the right thing, ask yourself, “am I speaking from my heart? Is this coming from a place of love?”
3. Bring it back to you
Take responsibility for your feelings by communicating how you feel rather than placing blame. For example you could try saying, “I feel X, when this happens or “I know sometimes I can be XYZ, I’d really like it if moving forward we… .” Take the emphasis of the other person which will allow them to be more receptive to your message without getting defensive.
4. Focus on the solution, rather than perpetuating the problem
You want to make the situation better, not worse. Don’t fall into the trap of rehashing past events or issues or all you’re going to achieve is opening a big can of whoop ass! Instead focus on moving forward, forgiveness (this is key) and ask them if there’s anything you can do from your end to help.
5. Be respectful, gracious and courteous
Communication is a two-way street. Although the journey can be long, you are much more likely to get to your destination safely and happily if you remember to pack some respect, graciousness and courtesy. Allow the other person to share their feelings too and have enough humility to extend the same courtesy they have allowed you.
6. Remember it’s a healing process and can take time
Just as Rome wasn’t built in a day, neither is a deep and meaningful friendship. You may have an open and honest conversation with someone and not see or feel the positive effects immediately but that’s perfectly ok and normal. Trust that you have said your piece and allow for the healing to take place.
When you open up your heart and speak from a space of truth & love, everybody reaps the benefits.
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If you follow the above steps and are being 100% authentic, honest and are taking responsibility for your part in the situation, only good can come from it.
And remember…if the other person does not respond in a positive or constructive way, it is likely they are reacting, instead of respecting you. That is for them to work through, not you wild-hearted one.
What are your thoughts on this topic? What has worked well for you when it comes to speaking your truth?
As always, I would be delighted for you to like and share this post with your friends and family (Who knows, it just might be the first step in getting the conversation started).
Wishing you clear, concise and constructive communication…