How do YOU feel when you hear the word conflict? How do YOU feel when it’s when it’s knocking on your door and more importantly, are you equipped with the right tools to manage it?
Conflict. A word that haunts many, makes some wish they were invisible, and causes other to run in the opposite direction faster than the speed of light.
Conflict appearing in our lives at one point or another is almost as likely as a newborn crying, however, it doesn’t have to turn into something bigger than Ben Hur if we learn how to manage it effectively, maturely and respectfully.
Here are my 7 tips to effectively manage conflict plus bonus affirmations aligned to each step to guide you along the way:
- MANAGE IT, DON’T AVOID IT
Commonly when people face unpleasant situations or topics the first things they try to do is avoid them, which only creates further conflict and allows hurt feelings to fester. When faced with a sticky situation, deal with it head on calmly and maturely.
Affirmation: “I give myself permission to take calm and mature action.2. FEEL WHAT YOU’RE FEELINGIt’s hard, it’s awkward, it’s yucky, it’s emotional, yes. However, in order to move on from any situation we need to accept what is and has been. The way to do this is to allow yourself to feel all of those unwanted feelings we so often want to run away from. This DOES NOT mean you are allowed to have a ‘pity party’ but rather acknowledge those feelings, learn from them and give yourself permission to heal and move on, as opposed to letting the feelings fester and create inner turmoil.
Affirmation: “I allow myself to feel what I’m feeling and accept that it is ok to feel deeply.”3. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
What part did you play in creating this conflict? No matter how big or small, it is incredibly powerful to take responsibility for your actions whether that means apologising to someone, forgiving yourself or someone else for any hurt caused or being honest about what happened. When we take ownership of our actions we do not play the victim and free ourselves mentally and emotionally.
Affirmation: “I take responsibility for my actions and by doing so, I am free.”4. ASK YOURSELF THE FOUR ‘W’S’ ( HONESTY is KEY)What happened and what are the facts?
What role did I play in creating this conflict?
Why do I feel ‘x’ and are those feelings warranted?
What can I do to resolve this situation with both parties best interests in mind?
Affirmation: “I give myself permission to be honest with myself and others”5. COMMUNICATE
Communicate with the person or people involved in the situation in an effective and calm manner. Focus on resolution, rather than rehashing the conflict. Articulate how you feel, what part you played in creating the situation or what you propose to move forward in a positive and healthy manner.
Affirmation: “I communicate articulately, calmly and positively focusing on solutions.”6. FORGIVE
Forgive the other person for any hurt caused, but more importantly forgive yourself. You are only human and make mistakes just like everybody else and forgiveness is the key to your own happiness.
Affirmation: “I freely forgive myself and others.”7. LET GO
Sometimes people say, ‘I can forgive, but I can’t forget.’ Although it can be difficult to completely forget hurtful events or conversations, it is crucial that you make your best efforts to let go of what happened or the situation will hold your happiness hostage. This includes not rehashing the situation at a later date or emotionally blackmailing the other party involved.
Affirmation: “Letting go is essential for my health and wellbeing.”
What is your favourite tip to add to this list? Share with us below.
