Have you fallen out of love with yourself?

I come to you today with full disclosure, complete vulnerability, my layers stripped back.

I know you’ll understand because you’ve been there yourself wild-hearted one.

Just like me, you feel all emotions so very deeply;  the highs, the lows, that fierce fire brewing in the pit of your stomach when you know you’re on the path to greatness, the bumps, the bruises.

Heartache and heartbreak is no exception.

So here it is – the beautiful and ugly truth.

I’m still struggling, bathing in my own confusion and hopelessness over the relationship I had with my ex and how it’s gone from being a huge presence in my daily life to now nothing but a memory.

I find myself reflecting on how the love I thought was ‘forever love,’ has now made me wonder whether it was really true love to begin with.

The reality and cold harshness of that question hits me like a thousand knives.

Just when I start to think (or try to convince myself) that I’m over it or moving on, a feeling as thick as thieves consumes every inch of my body, overshadowing my inner light and stripping back my layers exposing nothing but hurt and pain time and time again.

The purpose of this article or others relating to this topic is not to harp on about what’s lost or broken or to have a pity part.

No.

• I write to share the truth, to be vulnerable, to show you I’m a human being too with feelings of black, grey and white, not just beautiful rosy and pastel hues.
• I write about this to blow the lid off the tightly contained jar of ‘perfectionism and positivity’ we all think we must portray 24/7, which is neither a true reflection of reality nor sustainable.
• I scatter these thoughts and feelings across the page because I’m sick of people sweeping the not-so-happy feelings under the rug, masking their true feelings or judging the way people handle less than desirable situations.

I make no excuses for how I am feeling; processing, healing and I don’t want you to either, no matter what situation you are in.

I’m here to tell you that it’s ok to be vulnerable, authentic. Forget what others think, throw out the rulebook and create your own. Start prioritising yourself over others and give up the internal struggle.

I fought for so long to salvage the relationship with my partner, to make us work. I was willing to do anything, I was committed 110%, and I believed love could and would prevail.

But when you’re in the thick of it, how do you know if and when to give up the fight when you love someone that much?
How do you know if what you think is meant to be, is in fact meant to if you’re having to work that hard to make the relationship work?

It gets to a point where you can hear yourself singing the same tune and despite desperately wanting to change the record, the needle is stuck in the same place, etched into the vinyl unable to gain enough distance to choose a new melody.

There’s no doubt about it that I was in love with my ex and loved him (and a part of me always will) but in hindsight I wonder whether I was so attached to the idea of being in love or having someone that I settled for less than what I truly wanted and deserved.

I think I poured more time and energy into loving him than loving myself and therein lay the truth of the matter.

My heart still bleeds for the love that is lost but it also now craves a deeper, beautifully connected and untangled love.

A love that is healthy, unconditional, soulful, and spiritual.

That love. It resides within me. When I fell in love with my ex, I fell out of love with myself.

I see that now as clear as day. I have no regrets, just lessons.

Take the lesson from me and don’t settle for less than you deserve wild hearted one. Get to know yourself, fall so madly and deeply in love with yourself and develop a lifelong romance with your own heart so that when you do find that true ‘forever love’ with another, you’ll be ready.

You know what love is possible in your life; you’re on a mission to find that core shaking, groundbreaking love that oozes out of your pores with another soul, just as I am, but always remember to come home to you.

I invite you to bring your truth to the surface and share what lessons have you’ve learnt along the way when it comes to love lost or gained?
Let’s blow the lid right off that elusive perfectionism and support one another through sharing our vulnerability and authenticity.  

“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” – Maya Angelou