Have you ever had a broken heart? I think I already know the answer to that as you’re here reading this.

I know I sure have.

Lately I’ve been thinking about my ex a lot.

Not because I miss him or want him back but because of the polarity of how I felt emotionally when we were together and when we broke up, to how I feel now, and who I am as a person.

He’s shown up in my dreams a few nights in a row and I have woken up wondering what the symbolism of them has meant.

It’s been 16 months since it felt like my heart had shattered into a million pieces when we broke up, and yet I can vividly remember every single detail of that day.

I remember waking up in his bed after going to a concert together the night before, rolling around in the sheets none the wiser. I remember him making us breakfast, then venturing out to together to our favourite local café for a coffee before he drove me home.

I remember how blindsided I felt when the words passed through his lips that day…

“I can’t do this anymore.”

I remember thinking it was some kind of sick, cruel joke.

It wasn’t.

It was surreal.

My body went numb.

Panic hit.

Unfurling rage set in with simultaneous heartache.

I wanted to punch him, kiss him, handcuff myself to him, and run away all at the same time.

I wanted to unshed my skin like a snake so I could slither far, far away forever to escape the wrath of pain I knew I was about to face in the coming months.

Instead, we sat in his car for six hours, breaking up. Yes, you read right – 360 agonising minutes.

I remember he promised that we would always be friends and stay in touch and that he would be there for me no matter what. I believed him.

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In the months that followed, I can only best describe that period of my life as incredibly challenging to say the least. I felt like I was moving (dragging) through the seconds of the day having ‘out of body’ experiences – I knew it was my body I was living and breathing through, yet never had I felt so detached from my sense of self before.

Time moved at a glacial pace; pain struck my heart at warp speed.

There were reminders of him everywhere yet joy was nowhere to be seen.

Yet underneath what felt like a ton of ironclad bricks and sharp debris impinging on my heart making it nearly impossible to breathe, there was a flittering beacon of trust bellowing below – trust that despite all the impossible pain and heartache I was experiencing, I would eventually be ok.

And I was.

I am. 

Of course I went through bouts of hysterical crying, undoubtedly keeping Kleenex in business; agonising over every single detail and memory of our relationship trying to figure out what I could have done better or differently, or not at all; racking my brain trying to figure out a way to mend what damage had been created in order to reconcile our broken relationship.   

But we never did.

I am grateful for that.

Tears trickle into my eyes penning those words; not tears of sadness though – tears of revelation and peace – to know I came out the other side more grounded, humbled and strong.

How do you feel when you reflect on your broken heart?

Do you feel as though the experience – as painful as it was (or is) – really gifted you something, something intangible and invaluable that you will take with you for the rest of your life?

Perhaps you’re still working through your war wounds, and that’s ok too.

Healing takes time.

I can honestly say my heart has well and truly mended and healed – it had quite some time ago, but today I felt compelled to share this part of my journey with you in the hope that to some degree or another, this brings you some comfort, hope and a feeling of togetherness; that even when you feel completely and utterly lonely, you aren’t; that even when your world may appear to be flipped on its head, there is still balance within and around you.

You are stronger than you think darling heart, you really are. I know it.   

None of us ever know what’s around the corner, we really don’t.

We can try to meticulously work out every single detail of our lives and plan around – or for things – however, are any of us ever completely in control of what happens in our lives? One-hundred percent in control? 

There is a percentage, however minute or extraordinary that might be, that isn’t up to us. It is in the hands of God, Buddha, your Higher Self, The Universe – whatever Higher Power you believe in.

But you know what sweetheart? You’ve got to live your life anyway. You can’t ‘not do something’ for fear of what might or might not happen, or as a precaution to avoid having a broken heart.

Nobody revels in the pain of a broken heart, but I believe to my very core that the tough times teach us far more than the good times ever could.

It is through the tough times that our resilience, courage, self-believe, faith, trust and vulnerability are given the biggest opportunity to shine bright and blossom.

Maybe you too have felt the heartache and pain through love lost, unreciprocated or taken from you too soon – romantic or otherwise.   

Despite whatever heartache, pain or challenges life throws at me, I have an innate trust and belief that the universe knows what it’s doing. My Higher Self always knows the way.

I trust that yours does too.

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My ex and I could have carried on as we had been for some time, loving each other but not being truly in love with each other – yet at the time, as far as I was concerned, I was madly, deeply in love with him (and I was for a period of time), yet there was a larger factor at play.

In hindsight, I knew deep down (as we always instinctively and intuitively do), buried beneath my hopes and wishes for us and our relationship, and my belief that love can conquer all, that independently, we both deserved better – more than we could give each other at that point in our lives, and possibly ever.

‘They say if you love somebody, then you have got to set them free.’    

I don’t blame my ex for anything and I don’t blame myself either.

As much as it hurt to experience and process that suffering and pain, I wouldn’t change it if I could – much to my bewilderment – because I had so many precious moments in time with him.

I learnt so much with and without him about myself, what I want, what I deserve, what I need, when something is meant to be, or when it isn’t.

I love and cherish myself ten times more now than I ever did when I was with him.

Heartache and loss is just as much a part of life as happiness and joy.

There is undoubtedly much to be thankful for through our blessings and joys in life, however, it is through our pain and suffering that we grow the most.

+ In order to truly revel in the bliss of a joyful moment, we need to have wandered through the depths of despair.

+ To see the beauty in a moment we need to have faced ugliness.

+ To feel the ease and grace in situations, we need to have battled and fought in the trenches.

+ To appreciate what real love looks and feels like, we need to have experienced love lost – how else can we know what is truly real?

+ It is through the polarity of our experiences in life and the lessons we learn from them that we can begin to separate needing from wanting; right from wrong; truth from fiction; love from lust.

My heart no longer aches for love from my ex – instead, I am truly happy knowing he has found another love.

I know I will too.

What lessons and blessings have you learnt from having a broken heart? Remember to share in the comments – you never know whose life you might change or help through your insights.

+ Image courtesy: Breno Machado